How I suffered

It wasn't too long ago as the whole world celebrated the crossing from 1900s to 2000s. 2000 was not even the new millennium as most people thought. Year 2001 was officially the new millennium since the calendar did not start with year zero. But the number 2000 seems too important to ignore. No longer do we refer to the year starting with nineteen anymore. It was a huge celebration televised live as the clock struck twelve from country to country . I remember witnessing it on telly as the earth rotates.

That was year 2000. Now with a blink of the eyes, I found myself in year 2009! The earth sure rotates very fast. Yes do you know if you are on the equator like me, you'll be rotating at about 1000 miles per hour? With such dizzying speed, no wonder technology has come a long way. I can still remember a few dead lifestyle changing ways since as early as 30 years ago. Top of mind:

Pen Pal
Chat messaging and emails do effectively change how we make friends around the world. In my younger days, we have pen pals. For those who have no idea about what pen pal is, its a term we used when we befriend someone far away by communicating with postal mails. Yes in order to 'chat' we literally drop the envelope that contains our handwritten messages on some fancy paper into the mail box at the post office. It will take a week or so before my friend from UK gets my message. If I am lucky, I will get his reply in about a month if he is not too busy. You have no idea about the joy of receiving a pen pal's mail posted personally to you. Its like receiving birthday presents from afar. You would read them over and over again, scutinized it, smell it, you name it. Now who needs pen pals when we have chat messengers. Instant communication wherever you are in the world. Just logon and you are there expressing yourself without having to lick any stamps. How I suffered through those snail mail ages.

Audio Cassettes
Before audio CDs, we had audio cassettes. That wasn't too long ago. Upon recalling, the first thing that came to mind are those hissing noise when one listen to music. Then the next thing is to buy a better cassette deck with all those fancy buttons with fancy technology just to cut down the hiss. Then as if not enough, the audio cassette gods, offers a range of cassette tapes catering to different types of hiss reduction levels. They also come in all sorts of fancy names. Like chrome tapes or metal tapes just to get you to think it will give you a better high fidelity. I spent more time trying to find ways to reduce the noise than to actually sit down and enjoy the music. Give me CDs anytime. But hold on to your iPods fellas. The digital downloads are taking the world by storm as I write. How I suffered through those hissing years.

Video Tapes
Being able to watch a movie at your own time on telly was made such a big deal when video tape was invented. However if you want to look for a particular scene in a movie, press forward and go pee. Because by the time you return, the tape will most likely be speeding forward still. If you have a better video tape player, they will stop on track for you. But it will still take time. Want to watch the movie again. Press rewind and wait till kingdom come. Don't even get me started on the picture quality. Not to mention the money I wasted on all the bulky tapes thats collecting dust in my old house. DVD is a big leap forward. With Blue-Ray at the helm, there is definitely no rewinding back to those VHS days. How I suffered through those dark years.

Telephone
Almost everybody owns a mobile phone these days. Just dial..eh..I mean key in a number and you can reach anyone anywhere. 30 years ago, I have to rush back home just to wait for an important call. And while I am on the line, I have to make sure I can only walk around from as far as the telephone cord allows. I was also born in the era where you actually dial a number. Yes, no push buttons but stick your finger in any of the ten holes of corresponding numbers and turn the dial clockwise. its oh so analog. Now I don't even push buttons. I push glass. Yes, the iPhone glass panel that display the image of a phone pad. Not only can I make calls with it but I can also watch movies on my phone. Oh, have I also mention that I can walk anywhere while I am on the line? Cordless! Its unimaginable at that time. How I suffered through those analog years.

Camera Film Roll
Anyone remember film roll? No? I can't blame you. Our photos are all totally digitized now. In my jurassic years, in order to view what I have taken in my camera, I remembered I have to rewind the negative film back to its small casing and carefully remove it from the camera. Because if its not fully wound back, the negative film will be exposed to the light and all that was shot will be gone forever. With the film roll intact, I would send it to a photography shop for developing. Meaning, going a professional process that I cannot do at home just to get the images from the film to photo paper. It will take about 7 days during the primitive years. But later years, about a day before we can get to marvel at all the photos taken. There is also no guarantee what was taken can be satisfying enough since there is no check back like in the digital camera. That was only about 15 years ago. I am still amazed that there are still film rolls around for sale. I wonder who buys them. How I suffered through those negative years.

If you are reading this, be thankful.

Hundred Percent Juice

Advertising never lies. At least under the watchful eyes of authorities. However advertising can stretch the truth. That's right, a deception that blinds you into a shopping binge that defies any logical explanation. Yes I have been in advertising for more than 20 out of my 52 years to know how it works. And it's pretty shitty. To make it worst, the authorities can't do much because they are perfectly legal. So if you want to be a wiser shopper from now on, here are 5 deceptions (out of many) to watch out for. See if any of these sounds familiar.

1. Up to 80% Discount
How many times have you been tricked into entering a store with a big poster that screams 80% with a tiny 'up to'..next to it? Your first impression is everything in the shop is up for grabs at 80% off. But you are not that stupid. Uh uh. Only stupid enough to be drawn into the store hoping to check out what's up for 80%. You meandered round the store 5 times but still cannot locate the slashed price items. You gave up and awkwardly ask for assistance. She then point you to the bargain bin with just 2 items that are marked 80% off. You glare at the second-hand looking products with sheer disappointment. You look up and felt even more upset when you found yourself surrounded by a sea of 10% discount tags all over the store! But its too late. You are already at the cashier fishing out your credit card on something you don't need at 5% discount.

2. Only 2 Dollars A Day
The monthly statement you received from your credit card somethings comes with an extra bulk of leaflets merchandising products or services. They are called junk mails by the way. One of the common junks provided by the establishment is insurance. It's not easy to get someone to buy insurance these days. But the leaflet headline have a way of making you believe you can afford to buy up a policy and you won't feel a pinch. So the leaflet screamed..Hey You...Now You Can Feel Secure Forever With Only 2 Dollars A Day. What about in one year? Ok, you do the maths. Perhaps I should come up with an insurance scheme that says..Only 5 Cents A Minute.

3. Branded Frames only $10
'Yes its true sir' said the young but suspiciously unqualified optician. 'All these frames from Armani to Gucci are going for just $10 a piece. Please sit down and try some of them. I am sure one will fit your good looks' said the young patronizing girl. Seems like a great deal I thought to myself while adjusting a Guess on my nose bridge. I even suspect it may be imitation. But by the snug fit, it seems to rest comfortably around my ears unlike the non-branded ones. Anyhooo, to cut a long story short, I ended up paying $1200. No sirree! Not $10 but $1200! You see, what the Optical shops never include in the big posters are the prices of the lens. 'Oh sir, if you want high index lens, that will be extra $500. Multi-focus another $1000' said the cunning optician. (Me stretching the truth a bit here) Wink wink!
4. Best Buys
Don't be con by this one. If you see this poster hanging above some items, chances are they are not discounted because the store haven't yet apply for a permit to do a fancy store wide sales. They can only apply for it 4 times a year each time lasting about a month. So what is permitted is the word BEST BUYS during their quiet business period! Those 2 words does have an effect of a GOOD DEAL! But they don't. Trust me. I am in this ad business long enough. I know.

5. Aloe Vera 100% Gel
You heard about the healing effects of Aloe Vera extracts on dry skin or even wrinkles. You rush to a pharmacy and want to get something that is Aloe Vera based. But surprise surprise! You can't believe your eyes! You see a tube staring at you with a big word that says Aloe Vera 100% Gel. The price is also very agreeable. What more can you ask for? Its 100%. Totally pure. Right? WRONG. Read carefully. It says Aloe Vera 100% Gel. Still don't get it? OK, let me put it this way. It didn't say 100% Aloe Vera Gel. By law, advertising cannot claim that the gel is 100% Aloe Vera because it is not. They are a mixture of preservative compounds and artificial fragrances that forms the gel. However its not wrong to say that the mixture of gel is 100%. So the next time you want to reach out for a pack that says: Orange 100% Juice. You can be sure its not 100% Orange Juice.

There are lots more of these legal trickery but I'll let you tell me if you are observant enough. Happy shopping... Oops I mean happy spotting.

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Bangkok Revisited

Going to Bangkok seems like an annual affair for the past 6 years. Last year after returning from Bangkok, I told my traveling pals I dont think I will be going to Bangkok again anytime soon. At least not for a while. Not that I don't like Bangkok anymore. After all its one of the best vacation city in the world and its just right next door to Malaysia. But after 6 visits in a roll, stayed in the same street, ate the same (but great) Thai food, tour the same spots, there isn't much else to do. However encouraged by good company and cheap airfare, I found myself walking the bustling streets of Bangkok before I can finish saying 'Sawasdee Krub'.

So how was it this time around? I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself because the huge difference is, I was traveling with a big bunch of great friends. All 8 of them out of which one a Singaporean and the other a Japanese. The joy of seeing friends enjoying themselves is rewarding enough since I played a small part in guiding the tour.

So there I was in the month of early March 2008, spending my first Thai Baht on my favourite bottles of freshly squeezed orange lime juice (see photo) right outside Swiss Lodge where we were staying. The bustling streets, the street food, the friendly Thais, the shopping malls, clubs and bars, the sights and sound seem all too familiar but set against the backdrop of great friends and laughters, its a whole new way of enjoying Bangkok all over again.

The bottom line is wherever you are, friends make a big difference in our lives. More so when they are trusting and supportive. Especially when one hit pass 50, good and caring friends are hard to come by. It shouldn't take a Bangkok revisited trip to realise that. Thank you my dear friends. You know who you are.


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Views from Mind's Eyes

A friend once asked me why I don't have a theme to my blog. Like gardening, cooking, exotic pets or automobiles. I told him how much more obvious do you want this blog's title to get. How to Monkey Around at Fifty? or Life begins At Fifty? I would be lying to my face if life is going to get any rosier past 50 years old. You will know what I mean when you reach my age. The constant aches on the back, the tired eyes. If you are already past this age, I am sure you can relate to my rambling. For those who missed what I am trying to spin, Half of My Life is all about experiences I encountered at this point of my life. Views from my fifty year old mind's eyes. Good or bad.

So wassup for me at this point of my writing? Its end of January 2008. It seems as though nothing much has changed since one year ago. If I don't analyze my life that is. If I don't analyze it too much, it feels like life has been kind to my face. But if I poke my nose around, I can see more scratched marks on my car. Wall paper started to peel from my room. Plants giving up on me due to lack of care. Rust crept in on my gate. Dining chairs losing their bounces. Seems like things around me are beginning to fall apart if I poke my nose around. However life isn't so bad. The car, room, plants, gate and chairs are still around me in fixable conditions.

So here you are dear friend, the one who havent yet figured out the theme of my blog, I hope by now you have. Sharing this Half of My Life with you. Have a good new year 2008 and to whoever is reading this too.

Back To Mine

Just recently a friend asked me what songs will I choose if I am going to compile my very own BACK TO MINE Album.

In case you still haven't caught up with the current rhythm, BACK TO MINE are albums compiled by artistes who choose the songs based on what they would play in their own home for friends after a clubbing night out.

Can you smell the stench of another devious music CD marketing ploy specially designed to milk out more bread from non-suspecting music extremists? Fortunately for them, there are still some out there who are dying to know what their favourite artiste would spin.

Say, if you like Pet Shop Boys and you are dying to find out what type of songs they would choose to fill their designer loft with, now you can go out and grab a copy of BACK TO MINE by PET SHOP BOYS.

So when I was asked to list out my own BACK TO MINE album, it didnt take me too long to figure mine out. The simple rule is, just put together a personal collection of after-hour grooving song other than your own songs. Of course minus the devious marketing ploy. Mine compiled and designed just for my own personal kicks!

In case you are dying to know my personal collection, here's my BTM with cool grooves to make one feel sexy even if you are reeked with stale cigi smoke sweat straight from the clubs.

Come in. Chill out.


Care to tell me what's your BACK TO MINE?
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Club Five One

Today I turn fifty one. But how do I know without looking at my birth cert? Well, there are 10 things that will remind me of my new membership in Club Five One! If any of them sound familiar to you, welcome to the club.
1. Goatee turns grey faster (see photo). Have to dye it more frequently than before. Yes, I dye it!
2. Bigger spare tyre. I can be a right candidate if you like guys with tummy!
3. Staying clear of high cholesterol food or taking them in moderation.
4. Gets tired easily. Not enough exercise my doctor said.
5. Emptying my bladder more frequently than usual. Maybe a sign of diabetes. Must be careful with my diet.
6. New gout attack. Not since 5 years ago. Now the pain re-occurred like I kicked the wall hard with my toe!
7. Lifetime high-blood pressure pill popping.
8. Eyesight gets a little screwy to focus if I watch TV any later in the night.
9. Pain in the neck due to constant computer work and play.
10. My conversation centered around health and diets. I shall consciously avoid this topic from this day on.

OK. End of subject. Happy Birthday to me.

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How To Look Younger On Video

Sooner or later, it has to happen. A short video clip to immortalise myself before my face sags further. Here's a good tip for those oldies.., or young vain ones, who wish to look much younger on video. Shoot yourself LYING DOWN. FACE UP. Yup. Just like my video clip below. This way, all the folds on your face will gravitate back to give you a tauter look. You know, the way how ancient celebrities look after plastic surgery with their facial skin stretched all the way back of their head. Of course, lying down is a free and painless way for non-celebrity like me. But let's face it, It will not work all the time, if let's say, you are shooting an outdoor vacation clip of yourself. I mean, just how are you going to shoot yourself lying down in front of Eiffel Tower. Duh! Story of my life after 50.

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Trivial Things I Can't Do Without

Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies. You know, peculiar habits. Like avoiding cracks on the pavement. After staying on this earth for more than 50 years, without realizing it, I have developed my own. The trivial behaviours I cant do without. (drum roll...)

1...wiping the sink area dry after using the sink.
2...wearing a belt when I go out, unless if its a string-tie bermuda.
3...washing face first before anything else in the shower.
4...watching TV before I go to sleep.
5...wrapping rubbish in old newspaper before dumping into trash bag.
6...putting wallet in my left back pocket.
7...reading over my glasses (see photo).
8...smelling a freshly open new CD.
9...reading while pooping.

Been trying to think of more (reason for my absence!). But I can only come up with nine. Nine! And they are not even bizarre. As a matter of fact, quite normal. While you are reading this drivel of mine, does any of my nine sound familiar to your own personal deportment? If so, let me know which one. Your comments most welcome. For now..all I can say is.. I am not an eccentric old dog afterall.


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New Sound. Old Marketing Ploy.

'You like Linkin Park? You kidding me?' Gasped a client of mine who is like me, about to blow a 50 candle-lit birthday cake. But today the blowing of candles on the cake is not me or my dated client. The cake in question is for the birth of Linkin Park's new third studio album Minutes to Midnight! Arguably rock's most anticipated album this decade so far. And waited I have after 4 long years. I told one of my music freak pal that I will rush out first thing. But hold it. Not so fast, I told my legs. Eventhough its already selling in store 5 days ago, I have to tell myself to hang-in there for a while. Why? that's because knowing previous music CDs marketing ploy, the single disc album will most likely evolves to a double disc a year later with extra tracked and remixes. So that put a Linkin Park fan like me in a huge dilemma. Should I rush out to get the single disc album release first so that I am not left out of the hype? But yonowat? I am living in Malaysia. I nearly forgot about our local night market where I can sample songs first before I buy the real McCoy. And so I did just that last night.

So how is the new Linkin Park? Will I buy their new album? On sampling there are a few rock gems here and there. Eventhough its not like their previous 2 albums where they hold you by your throat instantly. But I am not here to review their new album. I am here trying to get rid off my Beyonce B-Day because a year later today, I was compelled to dish out extra doe for a double disc CD album Beyonce B-Day just for the irresistable repackaging of new songs bursting to the seams complete with a DVD!!! Its worth it I must admit. I am really not happy with such bloody marketing ploy. Any music CD collecting enthusiast can tell you that. Yes I will most definitely buy Linkin Park's Minute to Midnight CD because I am huge fan. BUT only when their re-mixed re-packaged re-stuffed re-grooved re-DVDed double disc album CD starts to ship out that is. Now the frustrating question is, will they?

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Old, Cold, Low and Slow Hanoi

Just came back from a 5-day vacation in Hanoi with three soulmates. Our first time there. How was it? Seems like stepping back in time. Took a 4 hour rewinding flight and got a feel of how Kuala Lumpur may have looked like 50 years ago. Here's a photo to prove it. Interesting isn't it? Yes, this photo was taken on 4 May 2007. Not 1957. While this nostalgic charm of Hanoi seems to stay vividly in my tourist mind, there are other lasting impressions I have of Hanoi too.

Here are some I will never forget:

COLD RAIN
The first day we arrived, we were greeted with bone chilling rain. The next day, it rained whole day. We traced our way around wet tattered roads with one hand holding a damped map and the other, a hotel loaned umbrella. We weren't too crazy about the rain but the cold air-conditioned breeze was a cool surprise. Old female vendors wasted no time in peddling thin blue plastic rain coats at every turns.

LOW STOOL
The low stools are a common sight. Especially noodle stalls by the road. Seems as though someone came along and introduce a whole new way of squatting by resting their Vietnamese bums on this short legged stool. I was in a narrow CD shop and I found this stools most useful while combing through their pirated wares.

HONKING
The honking of cars, trucks and motorbikes never cease. Practically every 10 seconds. Its as if anyone who's anyone with a horn is having fun with it regardless! It was irritating on the first day. Annoying on the second but once I got used to it, it was charmingly funny in its own Hanoi way.

MOTORCYCLES
Hordes of them. Most apparent when one is trying to cross a road. They come from everywhere. Left right centre. This makes crossing roads in Hanoi a nightmare. If you don't see them, you'll hear them. But you won't bump into them. That's because they have these skillful ways of maneuvering away from your ginger path.

SLOW CART
While we were on the way back from Halong Bay, this van that ferried us crawled as if some cows were pulling it from the front. What should take no longer than one hour to hit Hanoi but took three and half hour instead! This doesn't help when my bladder was coming up full. I thought the driver was the only slow coach. When I looked around, every other vehicles were cruising like bollock carts! Damn! I almost peed in my pants!

ICE-CREAM CROWD
I have never seen an ice-cream parlour so crowded with people. Looks to me like the crowd was waiting to get into a cinema. Yes a cinema crowd! Could it be that this post-communist town only just recently open its door to allow fellow comrades to enjoy decadent western ice-cream? Mind you, the ice-cream doesn't even come with fancy branded wrappers. The takeaway counter was swamped with teens. See photo to believe. After I savoured a few of those extra-sweet morsels off the spoon, I wondered what's the big deal.

My account above doesn't sum up the relaxing yet quaint vacation I had. Hanoi does have a few surprises to offer like the laughable Water Puppet Show, the breathtaking Halong Bay and even thick bitter Vietnamese coffee sipping by the lake. But I am not here to sell Hanoi. Just recollecting the initial impressions. I did have a great time, more so with great company, however I wouldn't go back to Hanoi again in the remainder half of my life time.

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